My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
