I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
