my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
