dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
