Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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