How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
