Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
