walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
