Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
