I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
