Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
