Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
