I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
