I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
