he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
