you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We are all done wearing pants today
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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