Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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