He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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