i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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