Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
