I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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