this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
