I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
