How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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