Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
