Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
