Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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