I'm jealous of your bromance
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
