THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
