Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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