i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
