Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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