who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
