I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My vagina is officially offended.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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