Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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