Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We talked him into tasing himself.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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