i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
