I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
