hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
