My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
