hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
