i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
