it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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