I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
