The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
