I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We need to get me chipped asap
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
