I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
