Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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