is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
