she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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